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My Friend Is Mean

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Dear BeingGirl Experts,

I have a friend that ALWAYS puts me down in a joking way, so if I get mad she would say, "I'm only joking!" But sometimes it really hurts my feelings. The bad thing is that I've been wanting to say something to her the next time it happens, but if it "seemed" like it never bothered me before then why say something now?!? My friend is mean. PLEASE HELP ME!!

 

Thanks,

Eve

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Dear Eve,

You have the right to let your friend know when she puts you down that it bothers you. If you ignore it, this sends the signal this kind of behavior is acceptable. 

 

When you learn to stick up for yourself in relationships, you will learn nobody can stomp on you unless you let them. Tell her calmly you don’t like what she’s saying and things will have to change for you to stay friends.

 

Here are some approaches you might take with your friend ... 

 

Can we talk?

Says “ I want to resolve things.”

 

Remember the other day when you put me down again? Well, it’s been bothering    me. I was really hurt by...

Being specific gives the two of you a problem to solve together.

 

How do you see what happened?

Your are acknowledging her point of view, and you’re willing to hear it.

 

I don’t get what you mean.... Could you explain it to me?

You are saying “I’m trying to cut you some slack.”

 

Our friendship means a lot to me, and I want to work this out.

Says “I’m willing to do my part if you’re willing to do yours.”

 

Hope this is helpful,

Your BeingGirl Experts

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32
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lovenovela
lovenovela
Posted March 30, 2014
Hi,I have a firend who's crazy in the head,and she always screams at me and my other friends in and outside of my class!And this one time when I had a horrible cramp and I was on my period at that time . And then she made me cry for no reason at all.And it drove me crazy!Please give me sime advice!!!I'm desperate.
AngelShell30
AngelShell30
Posted January 11, 2014
I am a person who likes to be serious on some things and I do not like to joke around a lot because I do a lot of important things in my life. If friends are joking around and being funny and silly and having a lot of time doing those things, I some times think I do not want to be around them, though they are my friends. There is one thing that friends do which is called sarcasm and I do not like that.
Miss Cutey Girl
Miss Cutey Girl
Posted July 25, 2013
I had this one friend, and we would just secretly talk about these two girls we didn't like. Then she became friends with one of them ( the popular one of course ) now she thinks she's all popular and is acting like a b**ch I told the other girl that I was REALLY sorry because sometimes me and Katie ( my ex friend )would be mean.
Miss Cutey Girl
Miss Cutey Girl
Posted July 25, 2013
That just goes to show you can't always trust your "friends" or so you think friends...
Anna939
Anna939
Posted August 22, 2013
Same here rainbow girl ~Anna
chocolatelover1994
chocolatelover1994
Posted August 09, 2013
this is the same problem with me i have this mean friend who is mean to my bf and she wont stop when i try and tel her to :(
Prettygurl4444
Prettygurl4444
Posted April 29, 2013
@thtfunnygirlXD - Well I'm sorry your friend treats you like that, but you have to show her you need more respect. When I was in fourth grade this girl who I thought was my friend would always hit me,make jokes about me,and etc. But then one day I told her how I felt and said I cant be friends with anymore. It wasn't easy saying that,she was my BFF! I never was her friend until a year later! Then, she was much nicer and friendly.And now we are still friends ( I'm in sixth grade.) So that's my story, and I hope that helped with your situation thtfunnygirlxD.
MoonlightBanYa
MoonlightBanYa
Posted July 05, 2012
@prettygurl444 Man, those friends SUCK! Did they know that you liked that guy and just did it to make fun of you? Because if that was the case then they don't deserve to be your friends.
thtfunnygirlxD
thtfunnygirlxD
Posted March 05, 2013
I have a friend like that, but she is worse! First we are playing and acting crazy like B f f then we are all like "Hey let's pretend we're fighting." :) Then we talk smack or whatever. Then it's like she means everything she says. Then when i don't say anything else she keeps talking then goes back to her happy self, but i am still sad. Then when i make a mistake she says "Gosh! You do everything wrong!" She says other things too, but i don't think Being Girl will accept it. Well sometimes i think we are not even friends. Sometimes she talks about me, To me! I never say anything bad about her to anyone or to her. I just don't want her to be my friend anymore, but we do have fun times when we are not fighting, so it's hard for me. She's just mean. :(
pocko
pocko
Posted July 09, 2012
i think i have done that dut it was just a joke and it just slips out.dose anyone do the same
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