My Friend is Mean: Answers About Friendship from BeingGirl

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Added November 21, 2011

My Friend Is Mean

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Dear BeingGirl Experts,

I have a friend that ALWAYS puts me down in a joking way, so if I get mad she would say, "I'm only joking!" But sometimes it really hurts my feelings. The bad thing is that I've been wanting to say something to her the next time it happens, but if it "seemed" like it never bothered me before then why say something now?!? My friend is mean. PLEASE HELP ME!!

Thanks,

Eve

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Dear Eve,

You have the right to let your friend know when she puts you down that it bothers you. If you ignore it, this sends the signal this kind of behavior is acceptable.

When you learn to stick up for yourself in relationships, you will learn nobody can stomp on you unless you let them. Tell her calmly you don’t like what she’s saying and things will have to change for you to stay friends.

Here are some approaches you might take with your friend ...

—Can we talk?

—Says “ I want to resolve things.”

—Remember the other day when you put me down again? Well, it’s been bothering me. I was really hurt by...

—Being specific gives the two of you a problem to solve together.

—How do you see what happened?

—Your are acknowledging her point of view, and you’re willing to hear it.

—I don’t get what you mean.... Could you explain it to me?

—You are saying “I’m trying to cut you some slack.”

—Our friendship means a lot to me, and I want to work this out.

—Says “I’m willing to do my part if you’re willing to do yours.”

Hope this is helpful,

Your BeingGirl Experts

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comments so far

Prettygurl4444

Posted April 29, 2013

@thtfunnygirlXD - Well I'm sorry your friend treats you like that, but you have to show her you need more respect. When I was in fourth grade this girl who I thought was my friend would always hit me,make jokes about me,and etc. But then one day I told her how I felt and said I cant be friends with anymore. It wasn't easy saying that,she was my BFF! I never was her friend until a year later! Then, she was much nicer and friendly.And now we are still friends ( I'm in sixth grade.) So that's my story, and I hope that helped with your situation thtfunnygirlxD.

thtfunnygirlxD

Posted March 05, 2013

I have a friend like that, but she is worse! First we are playing and acting crazy like B f f then we are all like "Hey let's pretend we're fighting." :) Then we talk smack or whatever. Then it's like she means everything she says. Then when i don't say anything else she keeps talking then goes back to her happy self, but i am still sad. Then when i make a mistake she says "Gosh! You do everything wrong!" She says other things too, but i don't think Being Girl will accept it. Well sometimes i think we are not even friends. Sometimes she talks about me, To me! I never say anything bad about her to anyone or to her. I just don't want her to be my friend anymore, but we do have fun times when we are not fighting, so it's hard for me. She's just mean. :(

MoonlightBanYa

Posted July 05, 2012

@prettygurl444 Man, those friends SUCK! Did they know that you liked that guy and just did it to make fun of you? Because if that was the case then they don't deserve to be your friends.

MoonlightBanYa

Posted July 05, 2012

@basketballgurl_:) Wow, tough situation! You should tell your mom that this is happening; she'll probably know the best thing to do about it. She might be able to talk to her BFF about what her daughter does.

MoonlightBanYa

Posted July 05, 2012

Some people put others down to push themselves up. They're probably really unconfident and have to make everyone else laugh to feel good about themselves. My advice is to seek your true friends, those that really care about you and don't put you down all the time.

pocko

Posted July 09, 2012

i think i have done that dut it was just a joke and it just slips out.dose anyone do the same

Prettygurl4444

Posted May 26, 2012

my friends cusses at me and everyday say "im only joking." and then i forget about it. but today one of my guyfriend (i kinda like him for than a friend) ask me out i say "sure" than he and my other friends started laughing at me! it was a only a joke they say. but now my heart is ripped to pieces. the dating me thing was a really mean and cruel joke! now im really really sad!! :'( should i forgive them and be there friends again? plz anwser me...

dreamgirl3

Posted May 21, 2012

Yea I'm like that not like extreme putting down but sometimes i say things like jokes to my close friends but i dont realize its mean cus before they didnt say anything about it or act as if what i said hurt them. I never did until my friend told me she didnt understand why i was mean like that. I think its some kind of barrier i make because im scared someone gets to knoe me or because im jealous of them. It really made me think and now i will try not to do it anymore. The worst is that i didnt even mean those things.

CrazyAwesome2

Posted May 15, 2012

omg so theres this really huge brat. We WERE BFFs since Kindergarden, then she just became obsessed with getting her period and became this huge brat. She Backstabbed me and I rarley trust ANYONE now. We`ve gone to the same school since kindergarden and now the schools closing down and I have to spend 3 more years with her at the least. 7 at the most and shes always sayin stuff about everybody. Shes a concieted little brat tht just gets ion my nerves.

BOSTON BRUINS GIRL

Posted June 27, 2012

This article could really help me thanks!!!!!

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