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How To Get Over A Breakup

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Dear BeingGirl Experts,

I was in my first serious relationship about 8 months ago, and I'm still having problems dealing with things. We were always together and after our first 2 months his best friend died, and I was with him even more. After this he cheated on me with my friend, and then he dumped me for my other friend 2 months later. He wanted me back and it's never worked out one day he'll be the nicest to me and then the next he's a jerk. I don't know how to get over a breakup.

 

Colleen

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Dear Colleen,

Relationships are quite different, but breakups are similar. You need to take control of the fact you are no longer in the relationship and heal, so you can figure out how to get over the breakup.

 

A breakup temporarily robs you of a sense of control over your day-to-day life. No matter whose idea the breakup was, it leads you to some form of grief. The stages of this type of grief are: 

  • Denial, when you are saying we aren't over yet.
  • Depression, when you are saying that you will never find anyone like him or her again.
  • Bargaining, when you are trying to decide if you can work it out and still go out.
  • Anger, when you realize this is fine and you don't want him or her either.
  • Acceptance, when you realize and accept the relationship is over.

 

How long it takes to get through these stages varies. What’s important is to get through them. Don't get into the "I should have...if only I had...I would have...I could have" way of thinking because this is unhealthy thinking.

 

Here are a few tips on getting over a breakup: 

  • Fill your free time wisely. (Don't call his house 10 times a day just to see if he answers or check his face every half hour to see if he has post anything new.
  • Stop wallowing even if you have to fake it. Get out with your friends, read a book, throw yourself into schoolwork, clean your closet, or try a new sport.
  • Talk it out with your friends and family. Don’t overburden them with your talk though—in other words, stop obsessing!
  • Get rid of everything that reminds you of him. Don’t hide it—get rid of it!
  • Put your pain in perspective. Watching the news can do wonders to make you realize how lucky you are.
  • Start a journal. If writing one isn't your thing then try an audio journal.
  • Exercising will help you with an endorphin rush to feel good. Go to the gym or go for a walk. Moving helps!

 

If a month passes and you aren't able to concentrate on schoolwork, or you are eating too much and not getting along with family and friends, then it is time to talk to a trained counselor.

 

Good luck,

Your BeingGirl Experts

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9
comments so far
Bnanz
Bnanz
Posted August 12, 2013
My boyfriend broke my heart three times and i still went back and i realized that i had gave him 2 1/2 years of my life to him
LengthTimesWidth
LengthTimesWidth
Posted July 28, 2013
Never had a boyfriend, but my prom date broke my heart. Twice. He's the closet to "boyfriend material" I've ever gotten. Maybe he was forbidden fruit and I should have just left him alone to begin with. Oh well, he made my senior year. :l We're still friends. Sort of.
JaneAustinMurdock
JaneAustinMurdock
Posted August 16, 2012
GIRLS GIRLS! i had my first "boyfriend" in 3rd grade this is when boys ages from 0-18 didnt cheat now its like CHEATED ON MY GF WITH HER BFF, CHEATED ON MY GF WITH HER SISTER, CHEATED ON MY GF WITH HER COUSIN! Its crazy! Be smart get a guy you can trust! I know someone who cheated on his gf with 5 other people to do IT just because she was jewish and wanted to get married before she DID IT! 7 signs hes a cheater! Know, check with old gf, has he cheated, ur type, awkward when around you, never hangs out with u, makes you feel bad so u will break up with so he wont feel guilty!
iLostMySoul
iLostMySoul
Posted June 21, 2012
I've never dated anyone but I plan on soon :) I like someone but it's my best friend's ex. :( I don't know what to do.
ToriElaine8689
ToriElaine8689
Posted March 14, 2012
Mine broke up with me like a few months ago and I think cause he liked this bea-ch Ryleigh
luv_lola13
luv_lola13
Posted June 08, 2012
I've never had a boyfriend but it's good to have this for the future. :)
Missy.Kat
Missy.Kat
Posted January 31, 2012
Someone really liked me I'm mean REALLY liked my but I decided to not be with him cause he lived in California and I live in Texas also my parents are around me like 24/7 and it was hard to talk to him so I said "I'm done not to hurt you I really liked you but got to go". He was upset but we got over it and we just say hi maybe every month or so.........And I just noticed that I talk to much. Lol!
XCLuvTweetyX
XCLuvTweetyX
Posted January 15, 2012
My ex boyfriend and I broke up last three months ago he cheated on me with my good friend when I found out he already had a girlfriend and I was like ..huh? because I didn't cheated with him but, I still <3 him no matter what!
Skittles92
Skittles92
Posted November 29, 2011
My boyfriend just broke up with me and I feel a pinch in my stomach is this ok
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