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Added August 01, 2013

How To End A Friendship

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What do you do when you outgrow a friendship?

In kindergarten, kids collect best friends like they're M&Msthe more the better! As you get older, though, your friendships change. You like to do different activities. Your favorite foods change. You like to watch different TV shows and listen to new kinds of music. You also start to talk, REALLY talk, with your friends about stuff that matters to you.


It makes sense that as you grow up, your friends will change, too. But what do you do with your old friends, the ones who you've known since kindergarten? Your BFF when you were five and into playing dolls and school may not share your new passions like soccer or hip-hop.


Do you stop being friends with someone when you grow apart?


If you do decide to part ways, you should know how to end a friendship with an old friend without hurting their feelings. If you're thinking of ending an old friendship, first decide if you really want that. Dumping someone is pretty permanent, so think before you act. Is there any way to save the friendship? You know what your differences are. Now think about the similarities. Notice how much you still have in common. Is there a way that you can change the way you spend time together? If you've both made new friendships with new groups of friends at school, perhaps you can spend time together outside of school. You can sign up for an activity together, or make a regular date to study, hang out, or even play together online.


If you're just not that into your friendship anymore but don't want to totally close the door, it's okay to phase out your friendship. Limit your friendship to a phone call or email every once in a while. If your friend calls to make plans, don't make up fake excuses. Eventually, she'll catch on and feel hurt that you're lying to her. Instead, you could tell her that you're really busy this year with activities, schoolwork, family, or whatever is taking up most of your time, and you don't have a lot of time to hang out. Then, make a mini-date to get together for something you still have in common, like a cupcake-decorating class, a concert, a trip to the mall, or an online gaming match.


After thinking about your friendship, you may still decide that you're just too different to stay friends. If your old friend has started doing things you think are unsafe, illegal, or just not nice, parting ways may be the best course.


How to End a Friendship

If a friend has ever dumped you, it feels pretty awful, doesn't it? When you're thinking about how to end a friendship, remember that you wouldn't want to make anyone else feel so bad. The good news is that it is possible to be honest without being hurtful. It's called "tact". When you use tact, you think before you speak so you avoid hurting the other person, and it's the most important thing to keep in mind when you're dealing with other people. If you're lucky, sometimes friendships just fade away because both of you feel the same way. If not, here are a few dos and don'ts to keep in mind:


How to End a FriendshipWhat NOT to do: 

  • Don't accuse her of anything or make her feel like she has to defend herself.
  • Don't talk down to her like she's not as good as you are.
  • Don't send her a note or email. She deserves the chance to respond.
  • Don't get someone else to do it for you.
  • Don't leave feeling icky about what went down.
  • Don't let the conversation get mean or angry.


How to End a FriendshipWhat to do:

  • Be nice. You used to be good friends, even if you've grown apart.
  • Tell her face-to-face, or at least over the phone.
  • Let her know why you feel the way you do.
  • Honor what you had before. It was good while it lasted.
  • Give her a chance to respond.
  • Stick with her until you're both feeling okay.
  • If either of you start to get angry, calm down. Be as tactful as you can.


Prepare yourself. Even if you say and do all you can to be tactful, she might get angry, say mean things, or even cry. It's important to be strong and stay true to your feelings. Don't be tempted to yell, hit, or get mean. If you do your best, someday you will look back and have only good memories of your friendship instead of bad feelings about your break-up.

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comments so far
Posted August 06, 2014
My friend has been lying behind my back for 3 months now and I think that when school starts back she's going to A. tell everyone I'm a terrible person OR B.start acting like nothing happened because she's a "nice girl". She tells everyone at school that she's mature, but I'm more mature that her. If I'm more mature than someone somethings wrong, because I'm pretty dramatic. I asked her to leave one day because she walked over here when I said no and I was going to give her a ride because it was raining, but she left before I could even say bye. Then she showed up at my (birthday) party the next day an hour early mad at me. Then at MY party she recommended we go swim in HER pond. She's recommended this at my last 4 parties now. She even talked bad about me to someone, thanks to me, she met. She has all of my other friends tied up with her lies. So I'm not going to have friends on the first day of school. Which is next Monday.
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1rst timer
Posted June 30, 2014
heh... leftovers
Posted May 06, 2013
Me and my best freiend wuz really close till she stop talkin to me over another girl not talking to me it made me upset and I said ugly things to her and made her feel bad I felt like saying I was sorry . But the voice in my heart and my mind said that she derserve it and I did what was right and wat she had comings so Samiya I'm sorry but I have no Mercy for you wat so everrrrr
Posted September 03, 2013
Ugh breaking up with friends is hard. I really want to end a friendship that ive had for 3 years She wont see anything coming because she calls me her best friend...but i just dont see us as friends in the future.
Posted April 01, 2013
Thanks! This artical was very helpful!
Posted July 15, 2013
My best friend and I were close until she started hanging out with another girl, and then she started changing for the worse. She acts like a snob now, always gossiping about me. It hurts, but at least you have the memories.
Posted September 22, 2012
This article has a lot of good tips, but I would do it totally different. When I ended my friendship, I just slowly stopped emailing her and calling her, but if she called or emailed, I'd reply. I think that this is the least hurtful way of drifting apart.
Posted February 17, 2013
There is this girl named Cheyenne who left my school and i hated her and she came back and she acted all different so i was very nice to her and then she got al mean again and she thinks im her bff and I weelll... i hate her and i dont wanna be mean!!! Help!
Posted August 06, 2012
My friend was asking me how to end a friendship (Not with me xD) And I suggested this website to her. :)
Posted February 17, 2013
My friend and i appear to be best friends, but we argue with each other about EVERYTHING. Even dumb things like if her shirt is bubblegum pink or neon pink! When we aren't arguing, we act like we are the absolute best of friends. But when we argue, she get's me really riled up and we say catty things to each other. This happens all the time. However, she still is the best friend i have right now. But our arguing is really starting to bother me. Is it time for me to end our friendship and find another friend?
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