Dear BeingGirl Experts,

I used to be part of a group of girls called the three muskateers. We fought a lot. Now they decided to kick me out of their little group. I am usually very chatty around people who are close to me. The group hid my shyness. Now I'm not sure how people will react to me wanting to hang out with them. I'm afraid of being rejected. What should I do?

Taylor

---

Dear Taylor,

Drifting apart from friends is hard, no matter who's doing the drifting. It's normal to be concerned about rejection too. Everyone fears rejection to some degree.

You need to put forth some effort to get out of your comfort zone so you can meet some new people and develop friends. You say you are shy so you need to work on this. Practice things like smiling when you pass someone in the hall, and then add a hello. Before long others will return your smile and greeting. Next pick a person or two in your classes you may not know well, but would like to know better, and ask them a question or pay them a compliment. “When is the paper due in English? I am checking to make sure I have the date correct.” Or, “The color you have on brings out the blue in your eyes!” Both of these are just examples of how you can begin conversations with classmates you don’t know well. Chances are when you warm up to a person you are more comfortable. Starting with comments like these will help you build up to more conversation.

Another idea is to get involved in an activity you enjoy. Understand it is normal to feel anxious when you start new activities. This will pass as you become more comfortable. You'll meet teens like yourself who share your interests, and you'll be having fun. In time you'll make new friends while you are working towards a common goal!

You can do this!

Your BeingGirl Experts