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Added April 23, 2014

Envy and Jealousy – The Green Monsters

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Envy and jealousy can make you crazy. Envy is wanting what another person has: If your best friend has a great boyfriend, you could be happy for her, AND want your OWN great boyfriend (not necessarily hers). We all have envy now and then.


Jealousy is a nastier animalit involves resentment and bitterness. If you're jealous of your friend, you might wish that she LOSES her boyfriend and becomes an old maid. Jealousy eats you alive and makes you feel like a you-know-what. Jealousy is rooted in anger. So if you find yourself feeling jealous, ask yourself, "Why should a friend's success make me feel bitter? Why am I so angry?"


What they tell us

But envy and jealousy give us information. If you notice, you only get envious of things you WANT. If your best friend gets into a science fair and you hate chemistry, you'll probably just feel happy for her, not envious. But, say she auditions for a play and gets a lead roleand you get envious. Maybe you have a desire to be an actor, but are afraid to try, or can't admit it's one of your dreams.


So pay attention to what you're envious of. If it's a secret dream of yours, build up the courage to go after it yourself.


Now if you're jealous of your friend, maybe you feel like she doesn't deserve a lead role. First of all, who are you to decide what someone else deserves? We all have different paths in life and get different things at different times. Maybe you think YOU deserve it and that's why you're angry. Okay, so do you? Have you taken an acting class? Or at the very least, did you audition? Promise yourself that until you take the actions, you won't be jealous of other people's results.


Tips for when you feel envy and jealousy


Be honest

Is it something you want to do? Are you willing to do what it takes to go after it?


Take action

With envy AND jealousy, your attention is on what someone else has. If you're focusing on her, who's focusing on YOU? Don't waste energy feeling bad, but instead take action.


Focus on the good stuff

Finally, if you feel envy and jealousy toward a friend, consider this: Ask yourself, "Do I want to be her?" Sure it would be great to pick and choose bits and pieces of people's lives that we want. But everyone gets a mixed bag. If you look inside yours, you'll see you have a lot of good stuff going on, too. Focus on it, build on it, be happy about it. Your life will be better without envy and jealousy in it.

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comments so far
Posted July 29, 2014
There are 3 girls at my school and they have the perfect everything. Perfect hair, body, and everything! Once I was trying to become one of them, and I almost did...until I tried to change myself. I started shaving, wearing different clothes that I had to hide in my backpack, using a flat parents finally found out and I had to show them what I was going to wear, they had to check my backpack, hide the flat iron...etc. My friends never forgave me, though. Although I'm still jealous of their hair, I'm becoming me again. But now I don't have any friends. Was all that popularity worth it? NO.
Posted July 29, 2012
once i was hanging out with my best freind and her boyfriend comes up and kisses her i was sooo jealous that i wanted to take a knife and kill her,so then next week i almost did,i was so depressed for days! i could'nt believe i wanted to kill her, but i was still really jealous so i yelled at her,that afternoon i was walking outside and i saw my best friends boyfreind i ran to him and kissed him! IN FRONT OF MY BEST FRIEND!i was so mad at myself,i talked to her a everything was fine,and im glad i did,if i did'nt our friendship would be over!
Posted May 18, 2012
people are being mean to my friend for no good reason. she's good at sports, she's smart, and pretty. somehow thats bad...? she's really nice. she's cries alot becuz people r mean to her. what did she do. i guess there are just jealous!
Posted December 04, 2011
I was once bullied emotionally/verbally because of jealousy. It was worse than terrible, I can't even explain it. I have always been athletic, done very well in school, pretty,and I'm nice to everyone (not to brag or anything, but it is true) and so is best friend. My best friend and I were bullied by my 2nd cousin and her best friend because they were jealous of of. We never had done ANYTHING to them. It just made me so mad because they were jealous of us and they made us feel like we were useless because we were good at so many things and they didn't think we deserved it for whatever reason, and my best friend and I couldnt do a thing to fix their jealousy. But I was NOT going to change myself negatively to make someone who hated me happy. I had never been really loud, but from then on, I've never been the same. I'm tense and afraid without someone's company in public and no matter how hard I try, I can't get over it. It just goes to show what jealousy can do to a person
Posted June 21, 2012
people r envy for this girl cuz she has everything of fashion
Posted July 12, 2012
I do gymnastics and I have been working on flip flops (aka back handsprings) for 2 years, and even though I'm almost there, I still don't completely have it! I was always frustrated about it and then my friend (who has just recently started gymnastics) said she can do it! I keet thinking WHY, because I worked on it more and still don't have it! But I still feel half happy for her because I know how good it feels to learn a new skill. Is this envy or jealousy?
queen supreme
queen supreme
Posted September 06, 2011
This article is very true to me. My friend has these sandals that I thought were really cute and I was like why can;t I have sandals? she always has everything! but then like b4 school started i got my own pair of sandals and was really excited. I got what I wanted and realized I didn't have to be envious.
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