Dealing with Divorce: Tips for Talking to Parents from BeingGirl

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Added November 21, 2011

Dealing With Divorce

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Are your parents getting divorced? Unfortunately, dealing with divorce is really common.

But just because dealing with divorce happens to a lot of people, it doesn't make it easier for you. You'll have a lot of feelings, and you'll need to deal with them. Here are some ways you can get through dealing with divorce.

After dealing with a divorce, you might start thinking that if only you'd been a better daughter, this wouldn't be happening. Get those thoughts out of your head. Your parents are divorcing because they are unhappy with EACH OTHER, not with you. You didn't do or say anything that contributed to their problems. They're leaving each other, not you.
Don't take sides—Chances are, your parents are good people who just don't get along anymore. So try not to take sides and figure out who's "right" and who's "wrong." It's important for you to keep a good relationship with both of them after dealing with divorce.
Don't get in the middle—If one parent rags on the other to you, ask them to stop. They should share their feelings about each other with someone else—a therapist or friends. Just remind them that you love and need BOTH of them. And that means keeping you out of the middle.
Ask questions—Don't be afraid to ask what the divorce will mean for you and the family. If your father's the one who's moving out, find out how you'll spend time with him and when.
Talk about it...a lot—You'll have a lot of feelings after dealing with divorce: sadness, confusion, anger, disappointment. They're normal. Don't keep them to yourself. Maybe right now, you don't want to tell your parents how their divorce is making you feel, but talk to someone—a best bud, a teacher, a school counselor, a therapist. Remember, you're not alone in this. There are tons of people who care about you and understand you need support from dealing with divorce.
Connect with other family members—Even though your parents are splitting up, you still have a family. If you can, try to bump up your relationships with siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
Don't be self-destructive—There's no reason to take out your stress on yourself. Don't use drugs, alcohol, or food to "squash" your feelings. It won't change the situation. It'll just make you feel worse. You'll have to deal with your feelings about this sooner or later—better to do it sooner, like now.
Don't give up on relationships—Sometimes teens whose parents are dealing with divorce start to feel negative about relationships. Just because your parent's marriage didn't work (or maybe it did work for a long time) doesn't mean you can't have a great marriage in the future.

The silver lining

Believe it or not, dealing with divorce could be a good thing for you and your family. If there's been a lot of fighting between your mom and dad, that's a drag for you. Who wants to live with people who fight all the time? Your home life might become saner. And now that your parents aren't focusing on their problems, your relationship with them as individuals could get stronger.

Have hope. You'll get through this hard time.

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comments so far

ces123

Posted December 26, 2012

my dad stayed away for a little while to try to make it better. but now they r actually getting divorced and he is living with us again............ really confusing help plaese

Christinebeetomboy26

Posted July 27, 2012

@loveu777, That is exactly what is happening at my house, my cjidhood was the same and now I just want to scream at both of them when they are fighting(every day). Dont bottle your emotions up! even though you dont want to talk about it, try writting everything that bothers you down in a Family problems journal, thats what I do, and it REALLY helps me, hope this helps you! ps when you really think you are about to scream at the top of your lungs, try saying to yourself "ok if I scream, I will get into trouble, but if I calm down and just walk away, I can reward my self with some of my favorite thigs to do/eat.

Puppyglittergal897

Posted June 27, 2012

my parents got divorced when i was 2. For all u girls it helps to talk.

loveu777

Posted July 10, 2012

My parents were fighting since I was a baby so my childhood was very tough and now my parents are divorcing and I'm gonna live with my mom and my dad and sisters are moving to we're I used to live so this divorce has been really hard on me sometimes I just want to scream my lungs out or cry and cry and cry but ivebeen hiding it so nobody knows I feel this way and I really need sOme one to talk to please help :'(

ughacne

Posted July 15, 2012

When my parents who got divorced they just told me that we're getting a second house. When I got older I realized what really happend. But guess what my life got SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO(times 100000000000000000000000000000000000) much better! Hope that helps for any of you girls!

crazycat003355

Posted February 17, 2012

My parents have been fighting a lot lately. for about the past 2-3 weeks they have been at each other constantly. I am scared that they will get a divorce. What should I do?

born2bewild

Posted August 24, 2011

Mine too. It totally blows but i look for the silver lining- at my mommas new houstheres an outdoor shed and were gonna insulate it and sheet rock it and put a mini fridge and tv and wireless internet in it :) itl be like my own little appartment :) i would have like my parents to tell me that were moving sooner tho :/ turns out were moving next weekend... i thought it would be in the new year...not next weekend....

allyunperfect

Posted November 03, 2011

My parents divorced when I was about 5 years old and STILL fight.This article is SO right. You can't take sides!It just makes things worse! Now my mom has just gotten another divorce,or is trying to get one,with my step-father. He was abusive.. And I watched him hit my Mom. What do you even do about that?I still think that if I ever see my step-father's face again, I'll tackle him to the ground and beat him until I run out of breathe. This sounds harsh.. but its so true. Divorce is horrible,and unfortunately, I have no one to go to for help right now.

HogwartsGirl5

Posted October 04, 2011

Great Advice! My parents got divorced when I was younger, but my dad was the only one who wanted me. I would like to add that if your parent is the different gender, it can be VERY hard at times, but just find someone close to you to talk to!

horsechick21

Posted October 10, 2011

my parents got divorced when i was like 8 and it really bugs me when i try to talk about it with my friends that dont get it they r like its ok and im like its not ok it sucks but after the divorce it is a million times better to any people whos parents might get divorced after the divorce there is no more fighting usually but still its better when its done but the divorce its self sucks