Are your parents getting divorced? Unfortunately, dealing with divorce is really common. But just because dealing with divorce happens to a lot of people, it doesn't make it easier for you. You'll have a lot of feelings, and you'll need to deal with them. Here are some ways you can get through dealing with divorce. After dealing with a divorce, you might start thinking that if only you'd been a better daughter, this wouldn't be happening. Get those thoughts out of your head. Your parents are divorcing because they are unhappy with EACH OTHER, not with you. You didn't do or say anything that contributed to their problems. They're leaving each other, not you. Don't take sides —Chances are , your parents are good people who just don't get along anymore. So try not to take sides and figure out who's "right" and who's "wrong." It's important for you to keep a good relationship with both of them after dealing with divorce. Don't get in the middle —If one parent rags on the other to you, ask them to stop. They should share their feelings about each other with someone else — a therapist or friends. Just remind them that you love and need BOTH of them. And that means keeping you out of the middle. Ask questions —Don't be afraid to ask what the divorce will mean for you and the family. If your father's the one who's moving out, find out how you'll spend time with him and when. Talk about it...a lot —You'll have a lot of feelings after dealing with divorce: sadness, confusion, anger, disappointment. They're normal. Don't keep them to yourself. Maybe right now, you don't want to tell your parents how their divorce is making you feel, but talk to a best bud, a teacher, a school counselor, a therapist. Remember, you're not alone in this. There are tons of people who care about you and understand you need support from dealing with divorce. someone — Connect with other family members —Even though your parents are splitting up, you still have a family. If you can, try to bump up your relationships with siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Don't be self-destructive —There's no reason to take out your stress on yourself. Don't use drugs, alcohol, or food to "squash" your feelings. It won't change the situation. It'll just make you feel worse. You'll have to deal with your feelings about this sooner or later —better to do it sooner, like now. Don't give up on relationships —Sometimes teens whose parents are dealing with divorce start to feel negative about relationships. Just because your parent's marriage didn't work (or maybe it did work for a long time) doesn't mean you can't have a great marriage in the future. The silver lining Believe it or not, dealing with divorce could be a good thing for you and your family. If there's been a lot of fighting between your mom and dad, that's a drag for you. Who wants to live with people who fight all the time? Your home life might become saner. And now that your parents aren't focusing on their problems, your relationship with them as individuals could get stronger. Have hope. You'll get through this hard time.
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