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Added August 01, 2013

Best Friend's Boyfriend

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Rachel and Sarah are sophomores and have been best friends since they were eight. They finish each other's sentences, exchange outfits, share private jokes, and always know the other's secret crush. When Sarah decided she liked Jeremy from her English class, Rachel was the first one she told. So when Sarah showed up at a dance one night, she was surprised to see Jeremy in the front lobby tickling Rachel, her laughing and trying only half-heartedly to make it out of his grasp.

 

When Liz and Amanda volunteered to be the "managers" of the football team, they had no idea it would be so much fun. They got to know a lot of the players and became particularly friendly with one of the guys, Sam, who frequently came over to chat with them. As luck would have it, Liz got to sit next to him on the bus on the way home from a game. Eventually, Sam asked Liz to go to a movie. Amanda was crushed.

 

Carrie and Peter met in the lunch line at school and had been hanging out ever since. They were on the verge of becoming more than friends when she got a bad case of mono and had to stay home for six weeks. In the meantime, Carrie's friend Allison decided she thought Peter was cute and moved in on him. When Carrie finally came back to school, much to her dismay, she discovered that Allison and Peter were more or less dating.

 

All three sets of friends ran into the same roadblock in their relationship: they liked the same guy. You spend so much time around friends and classmates during school, sooner or later it's bound to happen. Brenda and Kelly's relationship was never the same after Kelly started secretly dating Dylan on 90210. And on Felicity, Julie called the title character a "b&%!" to her face when she found out she'd gotten together with Ben.

 

So what do you do if it happens to you? If you're the odd man out, do you disown your rival and vow never speak to her again, a la Brenda and Julie? Or, on the flip side, if a best friend's boyfriend starts showing interest in you and you think you might like him, do you respond positively, or do you rebuff his advances in loyalty to her? Both Kelly and Felicity went for the guy, but they lost a close friend in the process.

 

Since Felicity and 90210 are TV shows, the writers chose the most dramatic option and had the friends sever ties. But in real life that doesn't have to happen, you do have options. If you find yourself in this quandary, take a deep breath and think about the following before taking action. 

  • Be honest with yourself and with your rival. Talk it out. No matter which side of the equation you're on, how you handle the situation is going to depend on how much you value your friendship. Who do you care about more, the guy or her? Try not to be shortsightedthink about down the road and if you'll still want her to be in your life.
  • If it's her he likes and not you, give her points for her openness and understanding or lack thereof. If she's upfront with you, that may be reason enough to cut her some slackshe seems to be trying, after all. But if she's spending a lot of time with him behind your back, or if she's treating you callously, it might be time to sever tiesthat's probably not the kind of person you want in your life. Look at it as a chance to enhance other friendships.
  • If it's one of those long-term crushes, be straight with yourself about the chances of the two of you ending up together. Is anything ever really going to happen? If you guess the answer is no, then maybe it's time to give someone else a turn.
  • If he and your friend become a couple, recognize that you can't (or couldn't) control the outcome and move on. Yes, it's frustrating but true...you can't make someone like you, and you can't dissuade him from liking someone else. Sure, there are ways to influence what happens: you can send out signals to a guy, you can be friendly or open, but sooner or later he has to decide who he wants to date. If you make a huge issue out of it, you run the risk of looking like a drama queen, or worse, bitter.

 

Dating can be a blast, but be careful not to blow its importance out of proportion. The truth is most guys come and go. If you and your friend like the same guy, but you both handle the conflict with sensitivity, then you may be lucky enough to stay friends and weather the storm.

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morina
morina
Posted July 24, 2013
my friend had a boyfriend but it was the guy I crushed on. but I felt happy for her. until they broke up she dumbed him and his face was really red. so he never talked to her again. then my other friend had a crush on a guy and my friend that dumbed the other guy new and asked him out
LavenderRose
LavenderRose
Posted July 18, 2013
Being Girl.com is an outlet for me to speak my mind and nobody can judge you because everybody is right in thier own way at this site. Whitch makes me fell safe and and like, not clueless. Because everybody accepts you for who you while still getting awsome advice and reading intresting, helpful articels.
Cupcakeluvr15
Cupcakeluvr15
Posted December 30, 2012
so I guess I have an opposite problem.... my best friends ex won't stop fliErin with me... I even pretended to be in a very committed relationship.... he is super nice and really polite and I dnt wanna be rude to him but I think my friend would kill me If she found out. what shud I do?????? thanks
lovelyness21
lovelyness21
Posted July 15, 2013
my friend hasnt had any boyfriends but i have whenever i turn around i would always see him flirting with her what should i do Sabrina Mendez
ImmaWIItard01
ImmaWIItard01
Posted April 29, 2013
My best friend has a boyfriend and she doesn't act like her normal goofy self and her boyfriend always like tries to make her avoid me so he can get her to himself. I miss it just being me and her just hanging out. I don't like anyone butting in ruining our friendship.
Charjudith
Charjudith
Posted April 29, 2013
My friend and i like the same guy, since we're too young to date anyway, its just fun and cool, I've liked him since first grade, her since this year, but that stuff doesn't matter... :) <3
Lucky4ever
Lucky4ever
Posted September 20, 2012
Im in 7th and in kindergarten,1st and second grade my friend would always try to steal the guy i liked.So when we had sleepovers we would talk about who we liked and she was always like i dont like anyone but she just lied to my face!and she would always flirt and hang out with them.But every single year she did that the guy always seemed to like me!she would kinda be mean but now she doesnt do it...luckily
Bubbly4eva
Bubbly4eva
Posted December 30, 2012
Oh i hate when this happened.i liked this guy in like 4th grade or so and my best friend new.when she found out she started talking to him crazy,calling him,and hanging out with him.i realized what she was doing and stopped liking him.i didnt tell her though and she kept acting all flirty with him but whenever she wasnt around he would always talk to me and was really nice.
dianadesim
dianadesim
Posted July 21, 2012
In fourth grade, I was totally OBSESSED with a really cute and funny guy. I talked about him all the time with my friend. But, even though I ADORED him, he liked my friend better. My friend and him got along so well, and then my friend told me she liked him. It was really awkward when they talked, but I was happy for them. It's too bad they never dated.
Puffpinata
Puffpinata
Posted June 30, 2012
@SOsoccergrl23 I'm really sorry that your friend did that to you cuz that is pretty mean.Could she have been trying to make another guy jelous? You might want to say something to her about how it made you upset and it also made ur crush upset and now you can't talk to him. But I think that if you wan't to talk to ur crush you should say something like: "I'm so sorry that my friend did that to you. I had no idea that was going to happen. I wish that I had known because I would've stoppped her." If you say that he might be more interested in you because he'll know you care. Hope this helps! :) Good Luck
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