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Added August 01, 2013

7 Steps to Saving a Friendship

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If you are fortunate enough to have a great friend, one who is supporting and encouraging, listens and understands, protects you and makes you laugh, do your best to protect that special connection. If something happened that’s strained your relationship, don’t give up just yet. Here are seven steps to saving a friendship.

 

1. Stop Making Assumptions

Sometimes when a friendship begins to feel different, you may assume it's because your friend's personality has changed. More often than not, there is nothing wrong with your friend — or you — the problem lies in the friendship. The fact that you both are always evolving can be hard to accept. Maybe she's upset by something she hasn’t shared with you. Instead of assuming the reason why things are different, make a move to uncover the truth and start a conversation.

 

2. Don’t Avoid the Problem

When forced to deal with the uncomfortably changing dynamics of a friendship, girls often worry that a discussion is going to lead to a confrontation — and we'll do anything to avoid one of those. You owe it to both of you, however, to try to save what's bonded you so strongly. You have to overcome the fear of one or both of you not liking what you’re going to hear. Again, make a move to start the conversation.

 

3. Prepare to Talk it Out In Person

In most cases, to get a friend back all you have to do is what you always did best: talk. Meaningful exchanges occur face-to face. A conversation is notoriously difficult when you text, email, IM or connect through social media sites. You miss out on eye contact, body language and feeling empathetic to what she’s saying. Wait until you are together, alone and relaxed, to share your concerns in a calm, reasonable way.

 

4. Share Your Concerns

Ease into the conversation. Let her know you have some things on your mind and want to share them with the hopes that you two will become even better friends. Then, in a kind, calm tone, explain that lately you've been concerned about the state of your friendship. If there was something she did or said that upset you, tell her. If she's surprised, let her know you didn't think she would intentionally hurt your feelings.

 

5. Allow Her Time To Talk

Next, let her talk without rushing or interrupting. This conversation may come as a surprise to her, so give her a minute to take it all in before answering you. When she does respond, listen carefully for two emotions behind her words: regret and respect. If you hear them, accept her point of view.

 

6. Compromise

If you don't seem to be on the same page, ask if she understands why you're upset. She might not, and you'll have to explain it again. Make sure you understand her feelings, too. If you’re still not on the same page, then it's compromise time. You might have to agree to disagree. Although lots of things can lead to disagreements and disputes, they rarely have the power to destroy a friendship. You can still decide to celebrate what you have in common and remain friends.

 

7. Establish Next Steps

Where will the friendship go from here? That’s for the two of you to decide. Maybe this conversation was all you needed to clear things up. Or you may find that you’ve grown apart naturally. Your friendships can evolve to be in a different place in which you may spend less time together and share less.

 

Maybe a temporary break will allow both of you to cool off and put things in perspective. By spending time with other friends, you may come to have more appreciation for your old friends!

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comments so far
AFRICANpink
AFRICANpink
Posted April 21, 2014
Thanks for the advice B.G,i love my friends and i'll feel sad if i loose them.
Nerdy_Burdy21
Nerdy_Burdy21
Posted July 15, 2013
Yeah, I Used To Have Like, 10 Friends, And I Broke Away From 9 Of Them. We Didn't Drift Apart, I Broke Us Up. I Said You Guys Were A Bad Influence For Me, And That I Didn't Want That To Effect Me. Sorry! And Then I Walked Away Slowly. Now, I Have Exactly 1 BFF Who Stayed With me Forever, And Won't Come Apart. And There Was a Boy Who THOUGHT he Was My Friend Untill He HURT ME And Then Threatend To Punch Me. A Day Later, He Asked To Be My Friend Again. And I Said Now. But That Was The Past!
Apple blossome511
Apple blossome511
Posted April 29, 2013
That was a very good explanation.
FamilyGirl12
FamilyGirl12
Posted July 03, 2013
I used to have 3 good friends but then i stopped school and started homeschooling. and now we just don't talk and the girl who i used to be really close with kinda got a little bit mean. What should I do?!
luxis23
luxis23
Posted May 06, 2013
Thank you very much... I spent my Bestie's change even when she told me not to. Now her mom's says I can't talk to her anymore:( ... This will really help put our friendship back together. Thanks :)
sweetkitty14
sweetkitty14
Posted October 29, 2012
I had a BFF called Rosemary...how close we were! Everytime we saw each other we'd chat nonstop, talk on the phone, and we had everything in common. I told her my problems, and she listened. Our goals in life were the same. Then one day, she completely stopped talking to me. I'd approach her, and she'd have excuses not to talk or hang out with me. She started having another BFF, and all they would do is talk with some cute guy I liked!
Mishekazord3
Mishekazord3
Posted August 02, 2012
I wanted to go to the mall today and my friend canceled i have no problem with that but when i started looking through my contacts trying to figure out who else i could go with..... there was no one i could go with. i mean i had friends but ever since we came to high school a lot of them when boy crazy and alot of them thought it would be cooler if they didnt talk to me any more. i guess thats what happens in high school. people grow apart and friendships are tested . but i just feel so lonely that i dont have anyone. im not an only child i have 2 brothers but they are away in college and there going to be starting there lifes while... i stay home and become forever lonely :'(
hazzabear337
hazzabear337
Posted July 14, 2012
My friends and I were in this group in 4th grade and it was an and off relationship and then three got put in a different class and I was in another class and it tore us apart and now I'm friends with one, almost friends with another, but the other wont cooperate so IDK wut gonna happen if we'll ever be friends again because next year two are taking regular courses and art and me and another girl are taking pre ap and choir but at least we have lunch right?
middlemac
middlemac
Posted July 24, 2012
someone help, i have this friend Bailey we have been friends forever since preschool and she is my bff but this girl got between us she told bailey that i called her bad influence BUT I DIDN'T and now she is questioning our whole friendship she won't respond to anything i say or send to her and the worst part is that she took the girl who told her i called her a bad influence on the vacation we have been looking forwoard to for the last like 3 months HELP ME
sweetkitty14
sweetkitty14
Posted October 29, 2012
PART TWO I was so angry! Not just because of that, but because Rosemary had completely erased me from her life and didn't even look at me in the eye anymore. I got home, took out a pen and wrote the angriest, most sour entry in my journal. And I simply felt like kicking her butt. Now I look back at it, this is reality: Friends will grow apart. You can't control if a person rejects you, but you can control what you feel about it. You're special no matter how much some other girl or boy tries to step all over you. We were 11 when we became BFF, now we're 15. It's not the same anymore, but life goes on.
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